She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
