i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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