Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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