what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
