Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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