You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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