Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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