I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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