Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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