Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
