So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
