Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
