I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
