eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
