Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
