Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
