Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
