sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
