I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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