and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Randomize
