our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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