I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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