just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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