We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
being pregnant is like rehab
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
