mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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