Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i love accidental penises.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Found your dick twin last night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
