Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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