What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
