Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
