Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
