dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
