I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
