Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
