i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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