Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
