i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
