I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
