allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
