i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
