I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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