After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
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