is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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