I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
