he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
