U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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