I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
