apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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