I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
