i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
