Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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