How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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